Spirits of the Dead
by dom3
Summary: The plague has taken Jocelyn, how will William deal with her death?
1. Colorblind

~**A/N**~ Hi everyone! I don't want to give much away, but I do want to warn people who have a vendetta against Will/Kate to maybe skip this story. I would appreciate it though if you read it! A big thanks to anyone who reviews, it's people like you that keep me going! And [what a bad writer, you don't start a sentence with 'and'!], as crazy as it may sound, I dedicate this story to Edgar Allen Poe, without whom I would be without inspiration and a title!  
Changes were in the air. William could feel it, hear it; his ears hardly eluded the whispers floating past him, the whispers of a terror too great to speak aloud. His blood turned cold whenever anyone gave him a look of sympathy, an encouraging word. The faith he had had in his people, his land, was now gone. No one could heal him from the grief he was feeling. From the grief Jocelyn was feeling. He sat still for a moment, unthinking, as a gust of air came in through his window, showering his face with the smell of flowers below in the courtyard.  
  
The flowers were almost all gone now; William had cut them every day to keep by Jocelyn's bedside so that she would not forget what beauty there was outside her bedroom walls. It had been the only time he had been allowed in her room. Now all he had were scattered memories that got away from him more every day. Christiana kept William away from Jocelyn. This had proved difficult at first, and Christiana had gotten into an awful row with William over it. In the end they had apologized and forgiven each other. Now Christiana was not even allowed to see Jocelyn. No one was.  
  
William could hardly imagine the solitude Jocelyn must be feeling. Growing sicker every day, waiting for the inevitable end, with no one by her side. She was fading quickly, but no relief came to her, and he stayed up many nights listening to her screams of pain. His heart broke every time he had walked past her door. The cool air he was feeling on his face could not even grace Jocelyn's; for fear that her disease would spread further than it already had. It had been ironic, that something as ugly and cold as the Black Death had somehow touched Jocelyn's refreshing demeanor. Now she was dying and there was nothing he could do. He had cried when he had found out, and then ran into the woods for two days, ashamed that anyone should see him in such a state. He was heir to Jocelyn's father's estate, and he had behaved like a child. He had cried out for his mother, his father, but never for Jocelyn. There were no words to express his grief. Dry sobs had come to him and had almost killed him from a broken heart.  
  
He was brought back to the present by a light knocking at his door. He mumbled incoherently, and the door slightly opened.  
  
"William."  
  
He turned quickly. The voice was warm, yet full of pain. He knew what Christiana was about to say before she had even fully come into the room. And he was already pushing her out of his way, as he ran blindly in his tears through the hall.  
  
Resistance met him at Jocelyn's chamber door, but he quickly overtook the guard, and went into her room.  
  
His heart was caught in his throat. A gauzy blanket had been placed over Jocelyn's face. The room smelled of something rotten, and it choked him. He made his way slowly to her bedside, not worrying about the consequences of this forbidden action. He had to see his princess, his wife. He unveiled her and looked upon her face in horror and admiration. Even now, she looked strong. But she also looked of death, and William covered her back up quickly. Jocelyn would not have wanted him to remember her that way. Yet he uncovered her again, and hugged her tightly. Her hair was slick with grease, but he kissed it over and over again, rubbing his shaking hands through it. He had nothing to say. He dropped her back onto the bed and kissed her forehead, putting the blanket back over her face. He clenched and unclenched his fists. He had prepared for this day so long, that he was not sure what to do next.  
  
His instincts grabbed him, and he picked up the glass vase with the flowers, and threw it against the wall. Outside the door he could hear Christiana let out a yelp. A moment later, her bedside table was broken too, and the mirror over it had a fist sized crack in it. He wrapped his bleeding hand with the wet rag that had been used to keep Jocelyn cool. The beige fabric immediately was spotted with red, but he ignored it, and sat on the edge of her bed. There was no point in standing over her; nothing would bring back the love and warmth he had felt with her.  
  
Christiana entered the room and gave a quick look around. His face told her to leave, and she did so quietly, without looking at him again. She jumped as he let out a loud, frustrated yell. Another piece of glass could be heard shattering behind the door. William had thrown Jocelyn's jewelry box against the wall. The shining silver pieces fell to the floor, never to be worn again. William took another look at Jocelyn, his last, and then all went black. 


	2. Can You Feel It

When William awoke the following morning, he was unaware of what time it was. All thoughts were overcome with the heaviness of his heart. He was lying in a bed, that he knew, and people were murmuring in the corner of the room. Time was irrelevant, anyway. He turned over on his side to block out the noise of the people. Why couldn't they leave him alone? A hand touched his shoulder gently and he turned to face it.  
  
"Will." Roland looked him in the eyes, grief masking his friendly features as he sat down next to William on the bed. "I-" Roland steadied his voice before going on. He was a sensitive man and had been distraught when he found out the news. "I. don't know what to say."  
  
William gave him a quick nod out of understanding, and then laid his head back on the pillow. Even Roland could give him no comfort. A woman's voice spoke quietly from the other side of the room, and Will acknowledged it as Kate's.  
  
"See if you can get him to eat," she whispered. Not quietly enough; William sat up in bed and shook his head, his messy blonde curls falling into his eyes.  
  
"I'm not hungry." He wiped his tired eyes with the back of his hand and then leaned his back against the wall. "I don't think I will ever be hungry again," he added quietly. Roland and Kate frowned at each other.  
  
"What about something to drink? I'll get you water," Kate offered.  
  
"No, get me ale. A lot of it." He pulled his blankets up to his chin. Roland's eyes softened as he realized how much William looked like he did when he had first met him. Afraid, unsure of himself. Heartbroken from the loss of a loved one. Roland's heart ached for his friend, but no words of comfort passed his lips.  
  
William had become distant ever since he had become 'ball and chain William', a title that Geoff and Wat had joked over many brews together. His marriage with Jocelyn made him heir to her fathers land; her father had never had any sons. His marriage with Jocelyn had not brought any children, and there was no one yet to take William's place once he passed on. And looking at him, Roland feared it might be sooner than later.  
  
William looked down at his hands, playing with the frayed blanket. Roland knew that in his eyes, the spark he had seen from before was gone. And not just because of Jocelyn. She had made him give up jousting, which, although had good reasons behind it, was also denying William from the one thing he truly loved more than Jocelyn. All of William's horses had been sold, and he had thrown his beautiful armor into a wardrobe, not wanting to remember how it felt when he was in his glory days. He would soon be running and making decisions for the people that lived on the land; he was not supposed to enter a silly contest, when he might get seriously injured. Too many men had wasted their lives in jousting, becoming paralyzed or dying from the blows. All the same, Roland missed it. As did Wat, and Geoff. Geoff now received pay for his writing, and was making a decent living at it. Wat owned a pub, which was quite busy every day. Roland had become a tailor, and a damn good one. Jocelyn's father had hired him to work on the clothing and linens for the castle, for good pay too. He watched everyday as William and Jocelyn had been together. He had never been sure that she was quite right for him, but now he realized how much William truly loved his wife. Kate came back with William's drink, and Will took it gratefully.  
  
Kate. She was still blacksmithing, but had started making jewelry for both women and men. Roland looked down at his own hands, which revealed a piece of Kate's fine craftsmanship. All of Kate's friends had rings like it, even William and Jocelyn had worn one. Kate had also made William and Jocelyn's wedding rings. They were delicately made, yet sturdy, and had beautiful inscriptions about love and fate. William still wore his wedding ring now, and Jocelyn's had been put on a chain, made also by Kate, which William wore around his neck.  
  
Once Will was done he let the cup drop to the floor, and Kate picked it up quietly.  
  
"Would you like us to leave now?" Kate asked.  
  
William shook his head. "If I'm alone now, who knows what will happen." He said with a hard laugh.  
  
Roland frowned. "Don't joke like that, William. We all care for you very much."  
  
"Sure you do," Will said sarcastically. "My wife was dying, and all Wat did was work in his filthy pub. Geoff wrote epitaphs. You repaired the dresses that she would never wear again. And Kate, you continued to make jewelry for her as though nothing was wrong. I am sick of everyone acting like they all did me a favor when I needed you most!"  
  
"We were always there for you, William Thatcher. You never acknowledged us, but we were there. I would have done anything for you, as would have Kate. We would have done anything for Jocelyn. But there was nothing we could do Will. You kept pushing us away while you fell into solitude. So don't pretend that you didn't notice, because we always noticed you." Roland stood up from the bed. He knew he was making Will more upset, and he was being insensitive, but he had had enough. 'Heir to the throne' was a title, not a personality trait.  
  
William looked at Roland in the eyes. Roland could tell he had hurt his friend very deeply. He had expected William to start yelling, but instead, William looked instantly defeated, and buried his face in his hands, crying unabashedly. Roland immediately put his arm around Will, keeping him sturdy. Kate stood uncomfortably next to the bed, unsure of what to do. She had always known Will to be so strong, and a breakdown like this was making her nervous.  
  
"I know you were there for me," William said between sobs. His voice was muffled on Roland's tear-soaked shirt. "You all were. I was just too blind to see it. Like father, like son."  
  
Kate timidly reached out her hand and rubbed his back gently. He didn't protest, and she relaxed slightly.  
  
"I don't know if I can do this Roland. I'm not supposed to be here." William's voice was less strangled, and he pulled away from Roland, wiping his eyes. "I was never born to be a ruler of people."  
  
"But you changed your stars, William."  
  
"But what if I hadn't? What if everything had turned out differently? What if I had never met." He paused. ".Jocelyn. What if I had continued jousting, and married some other lovely woman, and we lived happily ever after until I broke my back or something tragic like that? How do we know?"  
  
Roland's eyes relaxed. "Would you really want to know what life would have been like without Jocelyn, even if she was only in your life for a few years?"  
  
William didn't answer. Instead, he closed his eyes and rested against his wall.  
  
"I know you were never keen on her Roland."  
  
Roland pulled a face. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Jocelyn. I know all of you thought she wasn't right for me. That I deserved better, or she deserved better. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter now."  
  
"Will, that's not true, I-"  
  
"Roland. Please, I have to ask." His eyes remained closed but his face looked concentrated. "After all those years. now do you finally think that we had deserved each other?"  
  
Roland looked to Kate for help. She shrugged.  
  
Roland pulled the blankets over William, who seemed very close to sleep now.  
  
"I don't think you could have done any better." Roland said quietly, kissing William on the forehead.  
  
William nodded slightly, and, turning over, went to sleep. 


	3. The Loo

It had been three weeks of almost non-stop sleeping. Roland had busied himself in the kitchen, preparing food for William, and then throwing it away when his friend would never show up. Roland was about to throw away a pot of vegetable soup, when he heard a shuffle in the doorway.  
  
"Don't throw out your perfectly good cooking. Please, get me a bowl."  
  
Roland was so excited to see his friend actually standing and walking that he rushed through the kitchen, grabbing bowls and spoons. He set them down quickly on the table, and filled them to the top with steaming soup. William shakily walked across the room and sat down, sighing loudly.  
  
"I need a bath."  
  
Roland looked up at William, and almost felt like laughing. Will's hair had taken on a life of its own; pieces were sticking out in all directions, and some had been pressed straight by laying on his pillow for so long. His shirt was slightly torn, and had turned from white to a sickly yellow that made Roland's insides go slightly queasy. Will's trousers had one leg pulled down and one rolled above his knee.  
  
"Yes, you do." Was all Roland could say.  
  
William took a piece of bread and stuffed it in his mouth. He let out a soft sigh of content and took more bread, eating it quickly. Roland slapped his hand away from the bread, shaking his head.  
  
"You've hardly eaten these past three weeks. I don't want you getting sick by stuffing yourself."  
  
William obliged and started to eat his soup instead. He turned around when he heard someone enter, and gave a slight wave to Kate. She gave a look of surprise to Roland, then set down her hammer on a countertop. She slowly dished herself a bowl of soup, humming softly.  
  
She squeezed William's shoulder lightly before she sat down, and then enjoyed the food.  
  
"So, what are you doing today, Will?" Roland asked, trying to keep the conversation light.  
  
"I 'ight go ferr a 'alk." William tried to say through the carrots. He took a swig of water and tried again.  
  
"I might go for a walk."  
  
Roland nodded. "Wat and Geoff want to see you. They've stopped by a few times but you were sleeping."  
  
William nodded. "I'll talk to them later today."  
  
Roland looked up when he heard a chair scraping. Kate had scooted hers over about a foot.  
  
Roland raised his eyebrows, as did William.  
  
"He needs a bath." She said quietly, and then continued to eat her food.  
  
William looked at Roland, and the corners of his mouth turned up. Roland was surprised when William let out a laugh, a real laugh, his first ever since he had found out Jocelyn was sick.  
  
"Real men don't take baths!" William said loudly.  
  
"Yes, but real men don't eat like that either, do they? Wipe you mouth." She said, handing him a towel.  
  
He did and she smirked at how much control she had over a full-grown man.  
  
William quieted down and set his spoon on the table next to the towel. He pushed his chair out and then stood up.  
  
He seemed hesitant and anxious as be bounced slightly on his feet. "Um, Kate.?"  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
"Would you like to go for a walk with me?" He asked.  
  
Her eyebrows lowered in curiosity but she nodded and stood up.  
  
"Roland, can you take care of the dishes?" She asked. He said yes, and then she followed William out of the room.  
  
He led her outside into one of the gardens, and she became even more curious.  
  
"William, why did I need to come along?"  
  
He didn't say anything, but his pace slowed as he started to walk down a worn path. She jogged a bit and then caught up with him, keeping his steady pace.  
  
"I wanted to ask you something." He became silent and she waited expectantly. He played somewhat nervously with his wedding band. When a few minutes had passed, she stopped walking.  
  
"William. Just ask me."  
  
He turned to her, face down. "When your husband died."  
  
"Thomas."  
  
"When Thomas died. how long did it take you to get over it?"  
  
Kate frowned. It was a decent question, she just wasn't sure if she wanted to answer it.  
  
"I don't want to let you down, Will, but I still grieve for him. I mean, it's not the burning pain I felt in the beginning. I can't go back and change what had happened, but. I still feel it." She stepped slightly away, as if she was talking to herself. "I think of him quite often, actually. The little things that remind me of him drive me crazy at times. Sometimes I do so much just to keep myself busy. But you can't let it get to you William, because that's when you start to falter."  
  
"I never realized. I just thought, it's been so long. that maybe you were accepting it."  
  
"I accepted it a long time ago William. But I will never let him go." She played with her own wedding band.  
  
It was curious, William thought. He had never paid close attention to it before, but now that he saw it, it was beautiful. Far more detailed than the ones she had made for himself and Jocelyn.  
  
He lifted up her hand to study it closer.  
  
"What does that mean?" He asked, rubbing his thumb over the deeply engraved inscription.  
  
She looked at her ring and sighed. "Hope guides me. It is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight will not be the last time I look upon you."  
  
William remained silent. Kate pulled a piece of folded and worn parchment out of her apron pocket, and held it in front of William's chest. He grabbed hold of it and opened it up, not sure what to expect.  
  
The calligraphy was blurred in some spots, and the edges of the paper were torn, but the letter that he had written years ago was now in front of him.  
  
Kate was looking down at her feet. "Christiana found that on the floor next to the jewelry and the broken box." Kate was now looking William in the eyes.  
  
"Jocelyn never gave up hope, William. You shouldn't either." She bowed her head slightly and turned to walk away.  
  
"Um, Kate?" He asked timidly.  
  
She turned around slowly. "Yes, William?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
She nodded and turned away again, heading back towards the castle.  
  
William stayed where he was, and read the letter over again. So many beautiful ways to say the one thing he had given her- love. Now it seemed silly to write such a fancy letter, one that had said 'Jocelyn, I can't stop thinking of you, I love you' might have been better. But Jocelyn had always been interested in things that were high-class. He had never known she had kept the letter. He wondered how many other things he hadn't known about her.  
  
William folded the letter and tucked it into his pocket, and then continued on his walk. Jocelyn had never given up hope. Now he wouldn't, either. 


	4. I Am Addicted To You

~*A/N*~ I have changed a few things when I realized that they did not follow along with the movie. Some of you might want to go back and re-read chapters 1-3. Thanks again to reviewers!  
"I would like to marry your daughter."  
  
"My daughter?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Well. that's news to me!"  
  
"Yes, well. I love her very much, sir. I have made a fine sum from jousting. I am a Knight. I would do anything for Jocelyn, and I think it is safe to say she would do anything for me." He glanced at Jocelyn and flashed her a smile. She nodded and he turned back to her father.  
  
"My Jocelyn?"  
  
"Um, yes? Is there another I should know of?"  
  
The father turned to his daughter. "And you would take this man, this Knight?"  
  
She crouched down and held her fathers hand. "I already have, father. With all my heart."  
  
"And what about Adhemar? He was such a nice man. Very good for a girl like you."  
  
Jocelyn dropped her fathers hand, and stoop up sighing. "William is good for me, father. He is a fine man to take your place once you are gone. He is fair, and courageous, and." Jocelyn realized she was rambling and blushed slightly. William took hold of her hand and squeezed it.  
  
Her father looked at their hands and sighed. "If it will make my Jocelyn happy, then by all means, marry her boy."  
  
William's eyes widened as he looked at Jocelyn. He could feel the excitement in her just by holding her hand, and it was affirmed by the look in her eyes. Her father held out his hand to shake William's, but Will rushed up and hugged him tightly, then picked up Jocelyn in a hug and swung her around. She was laughing when he set her down.  
  
"We're going to get married." He said, holding her hands to his lips.  
  
She nodded and laughed again. "We're getting married."  
  
When William woke up it was still dark out. Rain was pounding on the stone walls outside and dripping through his open window. He pushed his blankets off of himself and groaned, walking blindly to the window to push it closed.  
  
"Cronaím thú mo chroí mo grá mo chroí go síoraí."  
  
William stopped pulling on the window and leaned on the sill, listening. The voice could not be heard anymore, but he saw a light on in the stable where Kate worked. It was funny, he thought, ever since he had known her he hadn't known she could sing well. Perhaps there were a lot of things he didn't know about her. He watched the light for a minute longer then closed the window and went back to bed.  
  
It seemed he had just closed his eyes when he was opening them, awakened by the brightness of the sun. Or perhaps it was Wat's ginger hair he was seeing. Either way, he squinted his eyes tightly.  
  
"Get up! Roland's made breakfast, and he actually didn't burn it this time!" Wat punched Will on the shoulder and laughed.  
  
Will covered his face with his pillow. "I didn't plan on waking up to an ugly git like you."  
  
"That's what I love about you, Will." Wat started, removing the pillow. William held on to it tightly, but Wat tugged it away. "You're such a morning person." He set the pillow on the ground and folded his arms.  
  
"Unless you don't want eggs and break and milk. Oh, and nice crispy bacon. You like bacon, right?"  
  
William looked at Wat. "Bacon?"  
  
"You'll have to go look for yourself."  
  
William swung his legs onto the ground and then stood up. His back ached from lack of proper sleep. Wat walked out of Will's bedroom, and Will followed close behind.  
  
When he made it into the dining room he was welcomed by all of his friends. A moment later a large plate of food was set in front of him, and he started to eat it quickly.  
  
"My daughter?"  
  
"Yes sir. She is becoming quite ill."  
  
"I want to see her."  
  
"I'm sorry, but we cannot take the chance of you getting sick too."  
  
"I want to see my daughter! Let me see my daughter!"  
  
The guard tried to hold him back. "Someone get over here! It's Dimitri, he's too strong for me to ward off!"  
  
A few seconds two other men were pulling later Dimitri away. He kicked his legs and tried to bite one of the men on the arm.  
  
"I WANT TO SEE MY JOCELYN!"  
  
The guards never said anything more. They led him to his bedroom and shut the door, locking it.  
  
No one got any sleep that night. He had let out the most unrelenting wails. William had been frightened that he would start his ruling the very next day. And he had right to be.  
  
The first thing Dimitri's wife had noticed was the fabric from his bed hanging over the windows ledge. Following it, she saw her husband, hanging six feet below the window. She was found five minutes later, bleeding on the ground twenty feet below him.  
  
No one had even told Jocelyn. William chewed on a piece of his toast thoughtfully. They knew that if she found out then she would have wanted to leave her bedroom to see them. No one could take that risk.  
  
So Jocelyn had died thinking she was letting so many people down. Her mother, her father. Will let his fork drop with a clatter. He had to govern the people of her father's land. He had to make important decisions that he didn't even understand. It was up to him to prosper. Him alone.  
  
"Do you want to see his will? He left you some things." John Granger, a casket maker, handed the papers to Will. "Some things you might find interesting."  
  
The land was his. The people were his. He could set wages, he could fire servants. He could get re-married, if something happened to Jocelyn. He let the pages drop to the floor. He was allowed to be re-married, it said, if, and only if, he re-married to a woman of noble birth.  
  
"Are you going to finish that?"  
  
William looked up from his plate. Kate was pointing to a piece of bacon.  
  
"No, I'm done." His voice was quiet and she glanced at him before picking up the slice.  
  
"I have to leave." He said suddenly, pushing out his chair. "Seems there was a gambling problem last night and one man wound up dead. They want me to go and see what to do." Will walked away quickly and jogged through the castle hallways, until he was out the large front doors.  
  
There was no gambling problem. As William looked up at his full castle, it was the first time he felt really alone. 


	5. Am I The Only One That's Going Crazy

William paced through his courtyard in desperation. He needed to leave, even if just for a little bit. His hands ran through his hair over and over again. He had been fine when he woke up. Now he was having an impromptu panic attack.  
  
"Stop me from going crazy!" He threw his head back, yelling at the sky. "Why are you doing this to me!!?" He yelled.  
  
"He works in mysterious ways, William."  
  
Will turned around quickly. Geoff was standing near a tall bush, journal and quill in hand.  
  
"I thought I would be fine." William said quietly, catching his breath. He didn't look at Geoff. "I was fine, for a few days."  
  
Geoff looked at him in disbelief. "It's been hardly a month! You only recently got over the death of your horse, William."  
  
Will rolled his eyes and resumed pacing. "I need to get over it. The people are expecting me to find another wife. I can't rule alone."  
  
"You have us."  
  
"I have no one!" Will threw his hands up in exasperation. "Dimitri's will said I needed to marry a woman of noble birth if Jocelyn passed on. Noble women are all too arrogant and self-concerned."  
  
"Jocelyn was a noble woman."  
  
"She is different. Was, different. I need to have an heir, I need to make fair rules, I need to be okay so I can make it look like I know what I'm doing. Geoff I am so sick of not knowing what I'm doing." Will sat down on a nearby bench, and Geoff sat down next to him a moment later.  
  
"I've known you for a long time, William Thatcher. When I first met you, you were a savage, wild man, with hardly any pocket money."  
  
Will cracked a small smile, and Geoff took this as encouragement to go on.  
  
"But, you had a heart of gold. You made yourself into what you are today. You, alone. I think no matter what life throws at you, you can take it head on. You certainly did that with lances."  
  
Will briefly laughed. "I only made it because you got me into the tournament."  
  
"And you better bloody well remember that!" Geoff said, hitting Will lightly on the back. "By yourself you can come up with brilliant ideas, but you need other people to put them into action. Me, Roland, Wat, Kate, Christiana, we're all here for you Will. Whatever you need, whenever you need it."  
  
"You sound like one of your poems."  
  
"Yes well I have been thinking that over in my mind for awhile. Couldn't really write it out on paper, it sounded too formal."  
  
Will laughed and hit his friend on the shoulder. "I'm ready to go back inside."  
  
"I'm ready to see which noble woman you choose." Geoff said, standing up.  
  
"It will be a long while before you see me with anyone else."  
  
"But by then Adhemar will already be taken!"  
  
Will looked at his friend in disgust, and then started laughing. "That would be a lovely relationship. 'Honey, will you go get me some flour?', 'Sure, do you want me to weigh and measure it, too?'" Will laughed loudly. "'The next time I see you, you will be looking up at me from the flat of your back!"  
  
Geoff let out a hearty laugh. It was good to be joking with Will, his mood swings came on so randomly that he had to take advantage of a good one when he could.  
  
"So what about this gambler problem?" Geoff asked as they walked into the castle.  
  
"I'll just tell them I got it all worked out, and you're sorry for what you did."  
  
Geoff glared at Will, but laughed. Geoff went back into the dining room, but William wasn't hungry, and wasn't sure he wanted to see everyone just then.  
  
He knew what he felt like doing.  
  
Jocelyn's room, their room, was completely empty. The bed had been burned along with almost all of her possessions. The windows were shut tightly and sealed with old cloths, and the stone had not been repaired from where Will had thrown the jewelry box. He walked up to the wall and ran his fingers over the rough edges. He could scarcely believe he had thrown the box with such force.  
  
He ran his fingers along the rest of the wall, searching. He could never remember which stone it was. He found it three feet later. He pushed on its edge lightly, and it turned, revealing engraving.  
  
My stars changed when I met you. You are the only one. I promise to love you, right here, right now. Whenever, wherever, forever, we'll be together forever.  
  
His writing was crooked on the stone. He had written it shortly before their wedding. His eyes softened and he let in a small gasp as he saw small, tidy writing under his.  
  
You are the only one, William. I know I am fading, I can feel it. You probably will not find this until it is too late, but I want you to know that whenever, wherever, forever, we'll be together forever. Remember, the stars are always changing. I love you, Jocelyn.  
  
He placed his hand on the writing. He had never known this had been written. He leaned his head against the wall near his hand, and breathed deeply, collecting himself. Had he really been joking only minutes ago with Geoff about finding a new wife? He hated himself for it. He never wanted anyone but Jocelyn, and at that moment, his heart closed up for good.  
  
He would never let anyone in again. His friends were just friends. No feelings of warmth would pass between them. He knew he didn't really mean the thoughts he was having, but for the moment, the coldness was all that comforted him in an even colder room. Jocelyn wanted him happy, and he would be happy.  
  
Alone. 


	6. Tom's Diner

**A/N**~ Sorry for the delay. I've been really busy, and I haven't had much sleep these past few days. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, all of you make my day and encourage me to write more!!  
  
The four friends could feel the tension blocking them from Will. He sat rigidly, eating his soup continually, and did not look around him.  
  
Kate was eyeing him suspiciously from her spot near the counter. She was unknowingly wringing her dishcloth, not sure as to what was working inside his head. He had not spoken a word to them.  
  
Wat and Geoff sat next to Will, uncomfortable by the silence. Geoff was most curious, knowing that only hours before he had been laughing with William. He had been a good sport, a good friend. Now he was isolating himself, again. He did not want to lose Will in the same manner again.  
  
Roland was sitting near the fireplace, mending a shirt, and quietly humming to himself. Will's sour mood was not going to interrupt his day.  
  
Will set his spoon down and Kate walked up behind his chair, picking up his bowl.  
  
"Do you want more?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well would you like me to save the rest for later?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You sure? I can save it for later, if you become hungry I'll-"  
  
Will pounded his palms on the table and stood up. Everyone jumped, and he turned around quickly to look Kate in the eyes. She took a step back, unsure what he was going to do. Wat stood up from his chair also, making sure he could reach Kate in case Will should snap.  
  
"I said no." He said between clenched teeth. He brushed past her, and made way for the door. She let out a sigh of relief, but Roland stopped him before he left.  
  
"You owe Kate an apology, Will."  
  
Will gave a hard stare at Roland, and tried to leave. Roland put his arm across the door.  
  
"You scared her and us half to death. I don't know what your problem is, Will, but you better damn well fix it."  
  
Will looked at Roland for a moment more, and then turned around.  
  
Will bowed deeply, exaggerating the movement, and looked at Kate.  
  
"I am sorry, Kathryn. I didn't mean to worry you." His voice was sarcastic, but she nodded her head, and Will looked once again at Roland.  
  
"Your arm, Roland."  
  
Roland shook his head in disbelief, but let Will pass. It wasn't even Will. He had never known his friend to be like this. He could hardly even call him his friend, anymore.  
  
It wasn't things that Will was saying. His actions were forced, rough. He looked lost, but did not want to be saved. He hadn't looked that way since Jocelyn had died.  
  
"He deserves a good fonging, that one!" Wat said loudly, breaking the tension and setting his dish near the washbasin. "The nerve of him!"  
  
"Are you all right, Kate?" Geoff asked.  
  
She nodded. She still looked scared as she set her towel down, and took off her apron, declaring that she needed to go for a walk. The men let her go.  
  
"I thought you said he was fine earlier?" Wat asked Geoff.  
  
"He was. I don't know what happened."  
  
"That wasn't our Will that just went through that door." Roland said. The other men nodded, and Wat sat down again.  
  
"Wherever he is, I hope he's feeling real bad about what he did."  
  
Will walked quickly through the halls. Tears were springing to his eyes, although none fell. He had hardly done anything wrong, but he felt extremely regretful. No one, least of all Kate, deserved to be treated like they did not matter. He had scared her, that he was sure of. He could hear her in her bedroom, walking, and sniffling. He paused. Sniffling? He had never known her to cry. She was always so strong, so self-assured. Had he really hurt her that deeply?  
  
Part of him wanted to keep walking, to remember that he had made a promise to himself to become detached, to not let feelings get in the way. But the other part of him caused him to stand in front of Kate's bedroom door before his feet had known what had happened.  
  
He knocked on the large wooden door. The tapping noise inside stopped, and then resumed as she moved closer to the door.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Kate?"  
  
"Will?"  
  
"Yes. I. I need to speak with you."  
  
"I don't want to talk to you!" She hit the door, the sound making Will jump back, startled.  
  
"Please, I feel awful."  
  
"Get used to it."  
  
"Just for a moment, please. the door is too strong for me to break down!"  
  
After a few moments pause, the door opened, and Kate stuck her face out.  
  
"What do you want, Will?" Her voice was shaky.  
  
"I. I didn't mean to frighten you. It didn't seem like much to me, but with my attitude lately. you had no idea what I was going to do. And I promise you, I wasn't going to do anything." He added quickly. "Can I come in?" He asked.  
  
"You sure you're feeling better?"  
  
He nodded. She stepped back from the door, and he let himself in.  
  
"Wow." He looked around himself. He had never been in her bedroom before. It had always felt inappropriate. It still did. Hammers were lying about, half-finished pieces of jewelry sat on tables. Random pieces of armor lie on the floor, and a candleholder was sitting on her nightstand.  
  
"You. made all this yourself?" He asked.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"You're truly a talent, Kate."  
  
She looked down at her feet, and then sat down in a nearby chair while he looked around some more. Once he was done, he stood near her.  
  
"I." He paused. "This seems to be like a secret of yours."  
  
"It was." She said.  
  
"I didn't mean anything I did earlier." He said quickly.  
  
"I know, Will." She took hold of his hand, reassuring him.  
  
He looked down at her hand holding his, and then looked at her face.  
  
"You know. I have a secret in my old room, too. Would you like to see?"  
  
She gave him a wide-eyed curious look, but he smiled and tugged gently on her hand.  
  
"Come on. You'll be the first person besides me and Jocelyn to see it."  
  
She grudgingly let him take her towards his bedroom. Once inside, she felt the excitement of the important secret. He moved toward the wall, and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Please tell me this is something important." She said.  
  
He did not answer, but instead pushed on a stone in the wall. She let out a soft gasp as the stone pushed around. She leaned in towards the wall, and began to read.  
  
Once she was done, she looked at Will.  
  
"She loved you very much."  
  
It was his turn to look down at his feet. He nodded, and turned the stone back around.  
  
"I love her very much, too." He said.  
  
There was a moment of awkward silence, increased when Kate realized her and Will were still holding hands. He let his go, and wrapped her arms around herself.  
  
"I better go. I have work to do."  
  
He nodded, letting his free hand hang at his side.  
  
She walked towards the door, but paused once she was in its frame.  
  
"Don't ever act like you did again, Will. I mean it. Apologies don't work twice."  
  
"I won't Kate. Trust me."  
  
"I do." She said, and walked out.  
  
Will let out a long sigh, and turned the stone to read it, one more time. 


	7. Help Me!

Hi you all.Thank you for all of your reviews! I apologize for the lack of updates, but I have severe writer's block. I know what I want to happen in the story, but I can't seem to get there. If anyone has any interest in helping me out, e-mail me at Tallulah247@aol.com. Thanks again! 


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